Bad Barnet XI

David James

Could just as easily been David Seaman, both have had awful haircuts. It is difficult to pick just one of James’ haircuts as his worst ever but one has been chosen after much deliberation. After the cornrows and afro, you would have been forgiven for thinking it could only get better, sadly it didn’t. His short, slicked down 40’s haircut has helped him make the Bad Barnet XI. 

Taribo West

The former Nigerian right-back was well-known in football and he became even more recognisable due to this shocking green tuft/dreadlock/ponytail style haircut.

 

Paul Scharner

There were quite a few defenders to choose from when picking this XI but Scharner isn’t featuring only for his Cruella de Vil inspired choice of hair colour. His place in this side was guaranteed when I was reminded of his “Thanx” cut.

  Not satisfied with the normal end of season comments to the press thanking the fans, Scharner went a step further and thanked the Wigan fans for their support with a truly dreadful cut.

 

Christian Ziege

 

Ziege mainly features as a left back or on the left side of midfield but for I’ve shifted him to centre back (mainly to allow for Loco to feature). That said, the German defender has certainly earned his place in the team with his 2002 World Cup cut. He went for a style resembling a landing strip down the centre of his head but unfortunately that wasn’t enough. He had it dyed with the colours of the German flag. Patriotic....Yes. Stylish....No.

 

Loco

Loco (Manuel Armindo Morais Cange) is known for his haircuts more than his football as he plies his trade in the Angolan leagues.  In the picture above, he doesn’t look too happy so we must assume he has only just realised how stupid he looks and give him the benefit of the doubt. Whatever the reason for his haircut, he is worthy of a starting place in this “Bad Barnet XI”.

 

David Beckham

Without doubt one of the most famous footballers in the world but he has still had his fair share of bad haircuts. The list of Beckham haircuts is endless and it’s been difficult to choose between the cornrows and Mohawk. The Mohawk has been chosen, but know you’re thinking which one? There were two. We’ve gone for the more offensive landing strip one (a la Christian Ziege) rather than the longer version which many parents thought would also suit their small children during the World Cup...it didn’t.
 

Chris Waddle

Chances are you were expecting to see Waddle feature in this XI as soon as you read the title. Great with a football, not so great with a microphone, really pretty awful in terms of hair styles. The mullet is why he is here of course. To be fair to him, it was the 80’s and mullets were relatively acceptable. The fact it was 30 years ago doesn’t change anything though, it was still terrible.

 

Carlos Valderrama

  Another name you probably expected to see here. Love it or hate it, that hair was something special. It wasn’t just a perm nor was it just an afro; it was an enigma. I’d go as far as saying it is the only truly impressive hairstyle on this list. There are many unanswerable questions in the world; the meaning of life, if a tree falls and nobody is there does it make a sound etc. Mr. Valderrama gave us one more; how on earth did he manage to head the ball?
 

Neymar

The one who inspired me to make this list/squad after he appeared against Scotland recently with what has been described by some as a ‘ferret’ on his head. He has the ability to go on to be one of the great players of his generation. He may even be on our screens regularly after the summer if the numerous rumours linking him with Chelsea are to be believed. 

Ronaldo

  His hair at the 2002 World Cup gives him a place in the team. As Neymar hopes to be himself one day, Ronaldo was one of the best of a generation and his hair was never a talking point until the summer of 2002. He has never been a man of many hairstyles and the style in question came out of nowhere. Who knows what he was thinking asking the hairdresser to shave his head leaving just a semi-circle at the front.
 

Jason Lee

 There was no way I could ignore “Pineapple Head”. His became a household name (unfortunately for him it was due to his hair and not his footballing ability) thanks to Baddiel and Skinner who regularly mocked his hair on their TV show. This lead to fans chanting constantly about Lee’s hairstyle; which lead to him being upset; which lead to him shaving the “pineapple” off.

Read more...

Joga Bonito

Yesterday, Brazil beat Scotland 2-0. Ignoring the fact that in just one match we’ve witnessed the 1,624^th “next Pele”, controversial banana throwing and one of the worst haircuts ever – why are Brazil so good? If you asked people which the best footballing country is, there will almost always only be one answer....Brazil. But why?

Yes, the game was invented in England so surely by some kind of divine right we should be the best, or at least up there with the best. On paper, England probably does have one of the best teams but why our national team is so unsuccessful is a question for another day. The following article desperately searches for the reason why the Brazilians are so good. Any mention of Brazil’s success on the world stage would be unnecessary; everyone knows how good they have been in the past and how good they continue to be but above all it won’t help answer the question.

A quick Google search for “why are Brazilians so good at football” won’t tell you much. You’ll just get lost in the copious amount of comments from people suggesting that all young Brazilians play football in the hope of escaping the favelas. This assumption may be true to a certain extent but it certainly isn’t the reason why Brazil has such a strong national football team. If escaping a life of poverty was the reason then surely a lot of other countries which have just as much if not more poverty than Brazil, would be producing world class talent year in year out as Brazil has done so well and for so long. If you don’t believe us at the Hand of Blog then listen to former Brazil coach Carlos Alberto Parreira;

“There are no more players from the beach or from the street - this is a myth, a legend”

Brazilians refer to their country as “o País do Futebol” (the country of football) and they really are obsessed with the game. Carlos Alberto Torres, who captained the victorious Brazilian 1970 World Cup team, has said in the past that football is like a religion in his country, that quote comes with the other standard statements about living and breathing football etc etc. Maybe this goes someway to explain the Brazilians success but I don’t think it does. Football is also quite a big deal in England. Sadly for England fans this alone proves that football fanaticism throughout the country as a whole has no relation to on-pitch success.

Admittedly Brazil, in terms of population, is a huge country with roughly 190,000,000 inhabitants and as it is a country in which “everyone plays football” they do have a lot of people to choose from when picking their best team. There it is, I’ve mentioned it. They have about the three times the amount of footballers to choose from than we do in the UK but it would be lazy and somewhat crass to say that this is the reason why they are so good. It helps but it just isn’t a good enough argument and I hope you’ll agree that 5 World Cup wins wasn’t just down to a large population.

One thing that is rarely focussed on when searching for Brazil’s secret is that as children they are generally not given specific positions when they play football. In part this is due to the absence of leagues and competitive fixtures for young children in comparison to the European system. To a certain extent, they can do what they want on the pitch from a young age which is invaluable for all footballers. They aren’t taught within rigidly structured coaching guidelines, there is no right way to pass nor is there a wrong way to dribble with the ball. They just do what comes naturally to them but more importantly they do without a fear of getting anything wrong.  Following guidelines and rules brings with it the pressure to succeed, without instructions things can flow, there is room for flair and you can be more relaxed. Those are three things that feature in all Brazilian teams and the way in which young children are taught (or not as the case may be) can go some way in telling us how Brazil always seem to do well.

After all that and still not much further towards answering the question, one thing sticks out for me in terms of the difference between football in the UK and in Brazil. They enjoy it, we don’t. When the next World Cup begins in Brazil, you’ll see the whole of Brazil come together for one enormous party. Don’t be fooled into thinking it’s because they are hosting it, they do it for every World Cup. Of course, the whole of England will be excited as well, finally ready to win the World Cup for the first time since ’66, having overcome the inevitable heartbreak of Euro 2012 and a nervy qualifying round. The difference is that for our preparation we will be picking holes in the squad, discussing who shouldn’t be there, talking about what the manager is doing wrong and avidly reading the tabloid headlines. So, in actual fact we won’t be enjoying it at all, but the Brazilians will be.

Read more...