Bad Barnet XI

David James

Could just as easily been David Seaman, both have had awful haircuts. It is difficult to pick just one of James’ haircuts as his worst ever but one has been chosen after much deliberation. After the cornrows and afro, you would have been forgiven for thinking it could only get better, sadly it didn’t. His short, slicked down 40’s haircut has helped him make the Bad Barnet XI. 

Taribo West

The former Nigerian right-back was well-known in football and he became even more recognisable due to this shocking green tuft/dreadlock/ponytail style haircut.

 

Paul Scharner

There were quite a few defenders to choose from when picking this XI but Scharner isn’t featuring only for his Cruella de Vil inspired choice of hair colour. His place in this side was guaranteed when I was reminded of his “Thanx” cut.

  Not satisfied with the normal end of season comments to the press thanking the fans, Scharner went a step further and thanked the Wigan fans for their support with a truly dreadful cut.

 

Christian Ziege

 

Ziege mainly features as a left back or on the left side of midfield but for I’ve shifted him to centre back (mainly to allow for Loco to feature). That said, the German defender has certainly earned his place in the team with his 2002 World Cup cut. He went for a style resembling a landing strip down the centre of his head but unfortunately that wasn’t enough. He had it dyed with the colours of the German flag. Patriotic....Yes. Stylish....No.

 

Loco

Loco (Manuel Armindo Morais Cange) is known for his haircuts more than his football as he plies his trade in the Angolan leagues.  In the picture above, he doesn’t look too happy so we must assume he has only just realised how stupid he looks and give him the benefit of the doubt. Whatever the reason for his haircut, he is worthy of a starting place in this “Bad Barnet XI”.

 

David Beckham

Without doubt one of the most famous footballers in the world but he has still had his fair share of bad haircuts. The list of Beckham haircuts is endless and it’s been difficult to choose between the cornrows and Mohawk. The Mohawk has been chosen, but know you’re thinking which one? There were two. We’ve gone for the more offensive landing strip one (a la Christian Ziege) rather than the longer version which many parents thought would also suit their small children during the World Cup...it didn’t.
 

Chris Waddle

Chances are you were expecting to see Waddle feature in this XI as soon as you read the title. Great with a football, not so great with a microphone, really pretty awful in terms of hair styles. The mullet is why he is here of course. To be fair to him, it was the 80’s and mullets were relatively acceptable. The fact it was 30 years ago doesn’t change anything though, it was still terrible.

 

Carlos Valderrama

  Another name you probably expected to see here. Love it or hate it, that hair was something special. It wasn’t just a perm nor was it just an afro; it was an enigma. I’d go as far as saying it is the only truly impressive hairstyle on this list. There are many unanswerable questions in the world; the meaning of life, if a tree falls and nobody is there does it make a sound etc. Mr. Valderrama gave us one more; how on earth did he manage to head the ball?
 

Neymar

The one who inspired me to make this list/squad after he appeared against Scotland recently with what has been described by some as a ‘ferret’ on his head. He has the ability to go on to be one of the great players of his generation. He may even be on our screens regularly after the summer if the numerous rumours linking him with Chelsea are to be believed. 

Ronaldo

  His hair at the 2002 World Cup gives him a place in the team. As Neymar hopes to be himself one day, Ronaldo was one of the best of a generation and his hair was never a talking point until the summer of 2002. He has never been a man of many hairstyles and the style in question came out of nowhere. Who knows what he was thinking asking the hairdresser to shave his head leaving just a semi-circle at the front.
 

Jason Lee

 There was no way I could ignore “Pineapple Head”. His became a household name (unfortunately for him it was due to his hair and not his footballing ability) thanks to Baddiel and Skinner who regularly mocked his hair on their TV show. This lead to fans chanting constantly about Lee’s hairstyle; which lead to him being upset; which lead to him shaving the “pineapple” off.