Who Are Ya?! Who Are Ya?!

As mainly a non-league fan myself, although I do follow the "big" leagues as well just with less of an interest, I thought it would be interesting to have a look at the different types of football fan. Today is the armchair fan, more to follow.

Every football fan has their own rituals on a match day which range from the weird to the wonderful. I won’t be naming names but I know someone (a Man Utd fan) who in homage to Peter Schmeichel insists on kicking the end of his bed when he wakes up on the day of a Man Utd match, in the same way that the Great Dane did with the goalposts just before kickoff. Make of that what you will, but I’m sure you’re desperate to know which type of fan you are so I’ll move swiftly on. 
 

I should also make it clear that I personally don’t believe that there is one type of fan which is “better” than another; they’re all fine and I appreciate that everyone supports their club in their own different ways!

1.            “The Armchair Fan” 

 
Match day habitat: at home, also often seen in the pub. Always prefers to be sat in front of sky sports if possible (if not then final score will have to do) whether at home or in the pub. If the armchair fan can’t get to a TV during the match then the highlights on Match of the Day will do. 

Match day diet: whatever’s in the fridge / whatever’s on offer at the pub.

The majority of armchair fans support clubs in the Premier League, hence the necessity of Sky Sports. I’ve said that the majority are fans of Premier League teams but all clubs have them and I imagine that together they make up about 90% of Final Score’s viewing figures. As I mentioned earlier, Match of the Day is a godsend for these fans. When discussing the game with colleagues and friends, their tactical analysis of the match is oddly similar to that of Gary Lineker, Alan Hansen and Mark Lawrenson.

Another common trait amongst the Armchair fans is the berating of the match officials, although once again this is not exclusive to the armchair brigade. If you’re still trying to identify one of these fans, they’re the ones shouting “me Nan could have seen that was offside!” at a linesman on the television. Unfortunately the linesman didn’t have the luxury of a slow motion replay, but obviously the aforementioned Nan did.

Almost everyone dreams of being a football player when they’re young, lifting the World Cup, captaining their home town team, scoring a hat-trick against their biggest rivals. The difference for the armchair fan is, he almost did all of those things. If only it wasn’t for that trial at the unnamed Premier League club that he missed because the trains weren’t running and then the car broke down or for the horror tackle that condemned him to the sidelines.

One of the most obvious differences between armchair fans and others is their warped view of finances in football. Transfer “bargains” are regularly in the tens of millions, and I don’t need to go into the excessive wages of top flight players because I won’t be telling you anything you didn’t already know. If a club spend a few million on a player who turns out to be a flop, then the armchair brigade wouldn’t mind; spending a few million on a player would be worth a punt whether it works out or not.

Maybe I have been a bit too harsh on the armchair fan. On a positive note, they do help out their clubs in their own way; they will usually always buy a replica shirt complete with name, number and sleeve badges at the beginning of each season.